life

So my mom was desperate and lonely. She was a corrections officer approaching her sixties. She had me when she was 41, barely an adult herself. Anyway, it was the start of the tenth grade for me. That year she had put me in a small family run Christian school. There I was surrounded by bible thumpers. More to the point, she had been on a couple of dates with a man and she was “head over heels in love,” her words not mine. Anyway, her being so desperate and all, a few dates was serious territory. The guy had a home in a good school district and we lived in a trailer.
One day, as I was walking out of school, I was informed by the principle/teacher/nurse guidance counselor that I was indefinitely expelled. At the time I had no idea why. Apparently the state police (or someone claiming to be the state police) called the school and said that I had made bomb threats.
Anyway, this event gives my mother the divine inspiration to move in with the man she had been on a few dates with. So, with the promise of turning the 2 car garage into an apartment for me, the old lady, my cat, my dog, and me all packed up our crap and moved into this complete stranger/her one true love’s house.
My cat was thrown out onto the lawn; my dog was locked in a cage and stuck in the laundry room next to the washing machine, and I was shoved into the small second bedroom and informed the garage was staying a garage.
Having started the year off in Christian school, I had no regular school clothes. Being the OCD packrat/archivist that I am, I had kept all my old clothes back to the fourth grade. This stranger/lover of my mom insisted that in fact I did not need clothes because I had a closet full of them. He then proceeded to plop his rank ass down on my bed, cross his legs and ask for a fashion show. At the time, I was not going to strip down to my underwear and give him a peep show. He whined and whimpered and insisted that I had on underwear and should try on my clearly way too small high-water jeans and midriff bearing sweatshirts to prove to him that they didn’t fit, because he knew they did.
Anyway, fast forward a few hellish depressing weeks, and it was now Friday, December 20th. My mother was going to walk down the aisle that night in a white wedding gown with a giant white bow strapped to her ass. My mom was called into the school and asked to meet with my guidance counselor and I. At that point there was no way I was ever going to return home again, and it was agreed that I would go stay with her ex-boyfriend for the holidays until thing could be figured out. My mom then ran home with her tail between her legs and informed her betrothed of the outcome of her little meeting. He flew off the handle, calling the school and informing them that if I left school grounds with anyone but them, that they would sue the school and have anyone that took me arrested for kidnapping. So instead of leaving the school in the passenger seat of the car of my mother’s ex boyfriend that day, I left in the assistant principals purple Chevy cavalier. I was handed twenty bucks and dropped off at a homeless shelter.
My mother married the love of her life that night and was sweet enough to drop off a suitcase full of the cropped jeans and midriff bearing sweatshirts after just a few days into her fairytale marriage.

me being stupid

So here I am sitting in microeconomics and I'm bored... but more than
bored I just can't wait to graduate. I've resorted to thinking about
life because there isn't anything else to do in this class that I've
already taken but didn't transfer and I've realized that all of the
stupid little problems I'm worrying about will go away when I graduate.
I'm sure I'll have new stupid little issues to be pissed off about but
I'm living one day at a time and I choose to ignore that and look to
graduation as a means to an end... it's only 8 months away.

Weird

I'm in such an odd place today... I've fallen out of love with advertising, my major, I have a huge crush on someone and have no idea how to go about dealing with it, I have a butt-load of forms to fill out by midnight, I'm tired, I need to go to the gym today and I just find myself spacing out. My brain is overloaded. I'm in love with my new TV show and am debating going out and purchasing a green screen so I can film it on my own time. But my sister is sick, and I feel like we are drifting apart. I don't have a relationship with anyone else that I'm related to and I feel like she's starting to lose interest in me. I'm just here and confused. I have so many things on my mind that I'm finding it hard to focus on the individual specificities that need to be accomplished.

A True (short and not well thought out) Story

There I was, walking down the hallway. I was confused, upset, and there were a million emotions going on inside my head. I didn’t think I had done anything wrong but there was always the possibility. I had only been called down to the principals office a few times in my life and it had never been because I had done something good.

I walked into the office and sat down. In the chair next to me was my mothers ex-boyfriend, who I hadn’t been in contact with for months. On the other side of the desk, sitting in her over sized-chair, was the principle of the school I had transferred to just months earlier. She informed me that my mother’s husband-to-be had phoned the school to inform them that they were not allowed to release me to anyone except him or my mother and that if they did, they would sue the school and press charges against whoever took me.

I was dumbstruck. My mother was getting married that night to a man who she had only known for a few months. She was in total denial at that point and seemed to ignore any sign that her new man was anything but perfect. In her 50 something year old eyes, she was “head over heels in love,” and nothing was going to prevent her from her ultimate goal of marriage.

My mother had been to the school earlier that day, and in the guidance office, agreed that I could spend the winter recess with her ex until the situation could be worked out, or in her mind, “I came to my senses.” It was quite obvious to me that after she had gone home and informed her betrothed of the news, and that he had felt threatened and the need to remedy the situation.

It was December 20th, the last day of school before the winter break, and I couldn’t go home.I could not face the pending nuptials and a life of abuse. The principle informed me that the only place I could legally go was a homeless shelter. There I sat with a choice. Should I go home or should I take a terrifying step toward the unknown. For me, there was no choice. I only had one option. I would never set foot inside my then home again.

crazy day

So today was Tuesday, my busiest day of the week. I have class from 9 in the morning to 9 at night. Also, I stood on line 25 min. to receive my TAP refund check. I also attended a meeting for my first official extra-curricular activity. I'm writing my own TV show which starts shooting on Wednesday (tomorrow) . There wasn't much drama. Gina had some, but it was just general and nothing special because I can't remember. I ran into my friends (Diane and Jackie) (30+) who work as audience coordinators for the Martha Stewart Show. I am so busy. I'm constantly running around. I don't have the time to keep up with my 2nd tier television show watching. I'm sitting in American History which is a joke because it is like reliving the fifth grade, but it's nothing I have to make an effort in, which is nice. I've been working out every other day for over 6 weeks now and I see results but I don't always keep up with eating and drinking the protein shakes. Now that I received a large deposit into my checking account, I can start buying more food. I can also make a large chunk of payment to my credit card companies, which is always so awesome. I didn't have much "talk to Gina"time, but I'm sure she understands. Tonight I'm gonna cook dinner, catch up on Monday nights television shows, maybe do sit-ups, and clean up my room a-little. I'm gonna try to go to see The Martha Stewart Show on Thursday and Friday. I haven't talked to my friend Flor or my Moms ex-boyfriends daughter in a while so I need to call them but overall, I'm doing well. :)

bugs me and makes me think...

I'm sadish.... i guess... more bored i guess but... i have realized that people in upstate NY define going to the grocery store as an event. When I am in the grocery store, I get what I need and then I leave. I don't wander around aimlessly picking things up and putting them down, only to end up with a cart full of things I don't need and will probably throw out because they went bad. I see grocery shopping as an errand, not an event. I don't leisurely stroll down the aisle admiring the Hellman's mayonnaise or flavored pretzels. I find it sad, almost depressing. I miss the fast paced lifestyle of New York City. Also, I went to Wendy's because I was dragged there, not because I wanted it, but it was disgusting. I substituted my greasy engorged French fries with a baked potato with sour cream but didn't get the sour cream so I was screwed. Also my chicken club didn't have any bacon. Life sucks! Actually, I take that back... It's just not my day, but life rules!!!

early night inspiration

so i have decided to put myself out there... i updated my match.com profile... i messaged a random friend on facebook and I will go on craigs list when i re-enter civilization on the 26th of August and answer an ad. yay me! i'm watching broken english right now with parker posey. I love her! I dont want to say she has much talent but she does try hard and i have enjoyed most of her roles, even fay grim... brought me back to alias... r.i.p. (one of my favorite tv shows from the depreesed period of my life.) I was an odd 14 year old. I am looking foward to the fall and i think that is a good thing. I also thought of a number for the pregnancy project: a musical number taking place on 2 floors of a high school right above and below each other with a song mashup of 'breaking water' and umbrella.... it will be genius. I'm feeling yummy head to toe..... and my current song is "white horse" by some club peeps. holler back!

Caucasian one hit wonder Sparkles is looking to broaden her appeal by starring in a yet untiled cable channel made for television musical with a tentative title, "High School Pregnancy." It will be written, directed, and choreographed by consulting team, Stafford & Associate. Stafford & Associate discovered and manage Sparkles. Best known for her recent hit, 'Let's go to the Mall,' Sparkles is excited to gain more respect as she didn't write, choreograph, or produce her one hit song. She still hasn't released an album. Her single peaked at 199 on the billboard hot 200. Her single went charcoal selling 10 copies at the Wal-Mart music download store. (Sparkles is the alter ego of my friend who is a side schrunchied pony tail, acid wash jean jacket wearing pop star)(we got drunk in a dive bar and the idea was born.)

I don' kno

So I fell asleep in my contacts last night and didn't wash my face... :( its a travesty.... so my eyes are bloodshot and my skin is gross. I'm in a good mood though. I guess that's what matters. I could have clear skin and pearly white eyes and be in a miserable mood. I am currently enjoying a Sabrina the Teenage Witch Marathon. I watched it as a youngster and I am liking it just as much as I did back then. We shall see if anyone wants to hang out with me today. I doubt it. I refuse to take the initiative to start seeking out leads but I will jump at the chance to go somewhere and do something.

miss the city

so I'm home until the 26th of August... good times (home - mom's ex-boyfriends living room) because my classy dorms want to kick people out for 23 days cause they are classy... so I have resigned from my job because I couldn't have the time off so hopefully I will still have a job when I get back into Manhattan (on the 26th) (class starts the 27th). I'm taking 21 credits in the fall (I'm begging for misery) but its all good. I'm sure I will do fine. But as for NOW, I am upstate and bored. I need air-conditioning for my delicate skin... the lack thereof is making me break out and with my low self-esteem, this is not kosher (I am not Jewish, but if I was I would wear lots of deodorant, not wear a wig or hat, and shower daily with a clothing style that doesn't scream conformity to my people)... I worked at H&M last summer and bus loads of grumpy Hasidim with funky wigs, denim skirts, cheap perfume, and striped shirts plagued my summer by the bus load with their B.O. and uncheery disposition with their many children, unsigned credit cards, lack of proper ID, and general loathing of others. But I'm sure that some are nice... I'm not racist, just honest in my opinion... what a rant (I feel like Mel Gibson) ... so I saw No Reservations last night and I just want to say... 'Raising Helen 2: Let's phone it In.' It was full of cliches, lack of chemistry between all of the leads... and they all looked so bored. I also saw 'bug' and let me say this.... Ashley Judd, Honey... why? Keep your clothes on please... and say no to movies where your not a poor (rich or confused) white woman being given advice from Morgan Freeman... Your 'indy-ness' isn't cutting it... do a romantic comedy or just something slightly less eeewwww... I saw the last one you did too... stop the indies... your not Joseph Gordon Levitt... stay tuned for another rant.... ttyl if I get bored